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Monday, 24 January 2011

I suppose I'd better tell you,

Hmm, this is late. I apologise. I fell asleep. I’m still vaguely illiterate, so forgive any spelling mistakes or something. Mum is basically holding a metaphorical gun to my head to write this after I told her what happened.

You try looking outside your bedroom window at a beautiful sunset and then realising that there are three cats impaled oddly on the wooden fence in front of your window. Your cats. That have been yours for 11 years. And then looking a little further over to see that their guts are all over your lawn and in the shape of a circle with an 'x' in it.

You try looking at the note coming from the oldest cat's belly which says that "AnD you know just who's goIng to bE prettying up your garden next." In writing that looks like it belongs to a five-year-old with Operator Symbols all over the fucking shop and with shitty Capitalisation Code. Spastic, didn‘t even ‘Code‘ anything more than one syllable.

He even wrote “Your Mother” on the back in blood, as if I was a retard.

I didn’t so much ‘snap’ as ‘turn feral.’

Soooooo, I fetched Mother’s Acid Grenades, because they have a pin and that doesn’t seem like a Bomb to me, I even got my old cricket bat for good measure and I had to bring my messenger bag because walking around London with Grenades is generally frowned upon, even if it is almost nighttime. I had to knock out my Mum though…diluted chloroform kept her out of it for about two hours I hope. I locked her in the safest room and put all the dogs in it so she’d be fine.

And I went to the Park.


And Tuxedo Fuckwit was just laughing and laughing and laughing and then he ran at me really suddenly so I head butted him in the nose and it broke.

And he started screaming “DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I SERVE?! DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!” Over and over and over and I just got so pissed off that I smashed his head with the cricket bat and screamed that it wasn’t a game of “Who the fuck you are.” And that his Master was “Perfectly ‘armless.” And I started laughing and laughing and laughing and then he punched me in the face and held my head to the ground while he tired to stab me but I bucked him off me but he kept his hand in my hair and then cut my face but I bit his hand and got up before he stabbed me in the right thigh with the knife I’d stabbed him with earlier and I fell and he went to stab me again and I moved out of the way of the first but I was still on the ground and when he went to stab me again I tried to move but I couldn’t so I grabbed a Grenade from my bag and shoved it down his jeans and tried to scrabble away and I just started laughing again once it went off because his scream was DELICIOUS.

And he was on the ground in the foetal position with his groin bleeding and I was just LAUGHING like a mad person and  then he tried to stab me again and I just STOPPED laughing and started beating on him with the cricket bat and I just ZONED on the fucker and when I stopped he wasn’t moving anymore and I was covered in blood and I threw up because you could see his bones through the flesh and mess and then he MOVED and tried to grab my ankle and I shoved a Grenade in his mouth and ran away and it set a tree on fire and my hair was caught in a tree and I had to pull some of my hair out but some of my hair is burnt off and I ran again and when I looked back three more trees were on fire and that NON-VISAGE BASTARD was there above Tuxedo’s body and I just ran without looking back.

I ran all the way home and he wasn’t there at all.

I got home and I thought that the reason I didn’t see him on the way home was because he did something to Mum and just seeing her alive I felt so tired all of a sudden and just felt better that she wasn’t dead and that guy didn’t get her like he said he would and I just started thinking ohgodikilledaman but Mum was alive so it was worth it and when I went to the back garden the guts were still there and I got so pissed that I screamed out of the door and then collapsed in bed and when I woke up I had to take a shower because there were guts on me and the blood had dried and I found a tooth in my hair and Mum bandaged my thigh but she‘s alive so that‘s good and I‘ve got a bald patch where I had to pull my hair out.

I’m going to throw up again.


I just read through Mum’s thing and all the comments and OH GOD TONY SERIOUSLY, like hell you’d hit me, Mum’d punch your lights out.

Frap, well, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to contest my Mum’s words but I am sorry if you were offended.

I apologise wholly if any of you feel like I let you down by snapping, but just because I’m good at emotionally detaching myself from most things, I’m still human. My cats were grotesquely fucked up and he threatened my Mum. I know for a fact she’d do the same thing in my place.

But I’m myself again and I’m back to my Theories and Mum and I have reached the decision that we’re going to die of Cancer just to fuck Slendy over.

But we’ve still got a back-up plan and I’ll leave the instructions to one of you nearer the time when I think it’s going to happen.

I love you all, so very much. You all need to live and I pledge my life and my sanity to doing so.

I changed today, in the same way that OC changed a few days ago in the same way that so many of us changed the first time we saw him and the first time we had to deal with a Proxy/Hallowed/Agent.

I’m no Big Damn Hero, but I’m a Scientist and I’ll do my level best and more to find out a way to bring that fucker down.

Catch you on the flip side,



  1. Despite your sad attempts to stop me from mentioning this: why the /fuck/ would you go to the woods at night? Hows about you never do that again and I never mention this again?

    But damn, Ava, gotta say I'm a little proud of you (only a little, shut up). Way to stick it to him and basically blow the sucker out of the water. Of course, now they're gonna be pissed, but that's life isn't it? It's your first kill, don't expect the bad feeling to leave for a while. But eventually you learn to deal with it and just use it as another reason to kick ass. Trust me on that one.

    Course' I'd hit you. I'm not afraid to smack a woman anymore, sorry to say. And I'm allowed free shots every time you do something stupid- that includes Mama Ava over there too, hehe.

  2. If you go down to the woods to night, you're sure of a big surprise~~

    Of me with a cricket bat and a pulped mess of a man in a gutted woods.

    Not quite a teddy bear...

    OH FINE.

    Harrrr. How about you never say that again and I never mention it again? Hehehehe.

    I don't. I feel so sick all the time and not Slendysickness either it's just so horrible because I went into college and there are all these people around who know nothing about it. It's so odd to talk with your peers and know that they can't see the guy outside the window who was the reason you killed a guy last night.

    Tshk. Fine, jeez. I swear on the Queen to never ever ever protect my Mother from murderous fuckwits ever again. HMM? :)

  3. I'll make sure to never go into the woods ever again now that the Big Bad Ava lurks in the bushes. She's even more terrifying than it.

    Fine, don't blame me if you get hurt though. Cause' I'll be there to rub it in and say, "I told you so".

    That might actually be the hardest part of the first kill. You'll feel guilty and no one will know about what you did. That and you can't tell them. I think that's the hardest part about the entire situation, in fact. No one can know. You have to stay away enough to no raise suspicion. Sucks, doesn't it? At least you have your mom though. You're not entirely alone in this.

    How about you promise to never knock her out and stick her in a room with the dogs again? You're gonna make her have a heart attack if you keep that method up. Hehe, swearin' on the Queen. Too bad those promises don't mean anything cause' I'm not a posh Brit.

  4. Big Bad Ava? Well, it's a damn sight better than Leelee.

    Fine. You die, save me a seat at the bar in the afterlife. I die, you say "I told you so." Deal?

    It is actually. It's the single hardest thing I've ever done. Because he was at the window all day and I couldn't say a thing. Urgh. Good point about Mum though, she's tending to the kid at the moment. I think we gave her a bit of a bruise on the head.



    OH SHUSH THE FACE. It was imperative. I'd do it again if I had to. And I'm not /that/ posh. ¬_¬